A month since the diagnosis

It has been a month since the diagnosis. There are times when it all seems surreal still. Unfortunately the physical changes are beginning to be more apparent and I'm starting to look 'sick.' My hair is thinning to the point that my scalp is nearly bald. At the last doctor's appointment, Dr. Commander said patients at this stage typically consider shaving off their hair. As much as I say I'm ok with losing my hair, I'm hoping it will stay a little while longer so have not done the deed of shaving it off. I'm struggling with the hair because I feel the kids may still not be ready for the physical changes but then who really is?! I know it has to happen soon. For now, I'm wearing baseball caps and bandanas to cover the top of my head.

I'm still struggling with sleep so I constantly feel and look tired. The doctor prescribed medication to help but I'm anti-medicine unless I absolutely have to. I'm scared to become addicted to or dependent on medications. I may have to resort to taking it once a week for a good night sleep. I'm a Doan--Sleep is our super power! I miss my days of being able to sleep anywhere. Unfortunately these days, at best, I get 4 hours of sleep.

My appetite has been stable since my weight has been consistent.  Sometimes I feel pretty hungry but unfortunately nothing seems to have any flavor or taste. I often have a metallic taste in my mouth. I have talked to a nutritionist and what I'm experiencing are all common. A lot of my symptoms are very similar to being  pregnant. I have a very heighten sense, taste and smell. There are times when smells bother me. What I like one day, may not be the same the next day.

I have good and bad days but would have to say there have been more good than bad days. I try as best as I can to keep my spirits high. There are times when I forget I am sick. I'm thankful for so much. I'm happy that I have responded fairly well to treatments. Treatment days are hard but I'm functional. On shorter infusion days, I am occasionally able to work for a few hours. It's all the basic things that I'm grateful for and am happy about-- I can still get up, shower, work, spend time and take care of the kids, take them to swim, karate, ballet, tball, etc. I know there will come a point in this treatment plan when I'm unable to do these things so for now I am doing the best I can to maintain my 'normal' life as possible.

We went to York, ME this weekend. It was a fun trip to celebrate Father's Day with the extended family. The kids had a blast with their cousins. I was exhausted at times but was very happy to have been able to make the trip. While walking back from the beach, I felt tingly and numbness sensations  in my finger tips. This is a known side effect. I just hasn't experienced it. It's a very strange feeling. After feeling such, I was afraid to carry my 4 month old niece, Lia. It often amazes me that 4 treatments in and things are starting to look differently.