5 down!

I signed up to be Lynne's chemo buddy today. Admittedly, I had some anxiety returning to the infusion rooms. Ya'll know that distinct hospital smell...that strong disinfectant stench that follows you for hours even after leaving the hospital. But, whatever nervousness I had faded as soon as I saw Lynne in good spirits. She's had a tough go with the first couple of rounds so if she was feeling happy, I knew that I'd be fine, too.

Today was the completion of round 5! Almost at the half-way mark for this phase of treatment! We occupied our time by taking crazy and funny selfies and as is typical with the Doan siblings, we exchanged texts with life updates. Lynne was feeling tired from the medication so I turned down the bright hospital lights and encouraged her to sleep. She was in and out because she was afraid that if she fell into a deep sleep, she would wake up with a new mustache or more defined eyebrows from yours truly! But, I was on my best behavior.

As soon as we got home, she fell asleep on the couch. She would sporadically wake up and as is typical with Lynne, she worried that I would get stuck in traffic and encouraged me to go home/tried to kick me out. I couldn't and didn't want to leave her by herself so I sat there and watched her sleep. I woke up very early that morning and was tired myself, but for some reason, I just couldn't fall asleep and found peace just sitting there next to her on the couch and seeing the rise and fall of each breath.

Carter and Katherine were both surprised and excited to see me after school, but I had unintentionally ruffled their feathers. I knew Carter didn't have school on Friday so I invited him to sleep over tonight but that really upset Katherine. She felt excluded and I could see she was trying to hold her feelings inside but ended up letting her frustrations out by ripping a card that Carter had made for her with a lot of hearts on it. Carter saw her rip up the card and was so upset because he had just made her the card that day. Both kids' feelings were hurt and I immediately felt guilty because I could have handled it differently. After calming them both down, we talked and everyone hugged and it was as if the crying never happened. The resiliency of kids...

Lynne's neighbors have been so awesome and supportive. A taco dinner was dropped off and it came with a goodie bag for both the kids. I was reminded of all the good in the world. I know Lynne isn't used to this kind of help and the kids are wondering why they are getting special treats every week. So a genuine and very special thank you goes out to the neighbors who are showering my sister and her family with so much love and support!

After dinner, I took Carter and Katherine to their favorite froyo place for dessert. Just the three of us. We piled on the toppings and took more silly selfies. The topic of mama's hair came up and Katherine seemed to be fine with Lynne's hair loss. "It'll just grow back, right MyMy?" Says Katherine in her sweet angelic voice. "Right baby! It'll grow back". Carter on the other hand expressed anger. "I don't want mama to lose her hair. She doesn't look the same!" So we talked about the medicine working but he turned his face away and sat quietly. "Maybe people will not be nice to mama if she loses her hair and people will laugh at her." So I asked him how that made him feel and his response, "Mad." He asked me if there was truth to the story about Alyssa defending and comforting me when I didn't have any hair 6 years ago. He asked me what my hair looked like before it started to fall out and he asked if it grew back the same or if it was curly. I answered him honestly and he said "ugh, I don't like curly hair!" So I reminded him that everyone is different so mama's hair may just grow back just the way that it was before. I don't think I totally convinced him but I saw that big noggin of his spinning and processing.

I was glad to have been there for Lynne today. It sucks to be down this path again and as hard as it is for me personally, my love for Lynne motivates me to be there for her every step of the way. We are almost there sis!