Thursday, September 29, 2016

Post surgery--Clinically Cancer Free!

Quite a bit has taken place since the surgery.  Last Friday afternoon, I heard from Dr. Specht regarding the pathology results.  She said my tumor showed a complete pathological response to the chemotherapy and that my lymph nodes all came back negative.  I heard the words she was saying but couldn't believe them.  I asked questions but wasn't sure I was asking the right questions.  I was stumbling for words and Dr. Specht knew it.  She kept reinforcing that these are results doctors want for their patients.  I was cautiously excited.

We met with my medical team out in Boston on Monday, the 26th.  I was excited and anxious leading up to these appointments.  I wanted confirmation of what I heard on Friday was correct.  I was also hoping, perhaps that I'm now cancer free, the treatment plan would be shorten or change.  We first met with Dr. Comander who was kind enough to print out the pathology results.  She confirmed what Dr. Specht called and told me.  I was beyond excited!  We then talked about next steps.  I had shared that I had hoped that the treatment plan would somehow change based on these results.  Unfortunately, even though I'm clinically cancer free, there is not enough data to support ending my treatment at this stage so I will need to complete the standard of care.

I was crushed and the tears starting flowing as she painted the long road map which consisted of 8 more weeks of chemo (once every 2 weeks) starting mid October, 6 weeks of radiation (once every day) starting mid January and infusion of herceptin once every 3 weeks for a total of 39 weeks beginning mid January to complete a year of the herceptin treatment.  There was some confusion as I have always assumed the end date to this journey would be a year since I heard the phase 'a year of treatment.'  I was as best prepared for May 2017.  With the infusion of herceptin resuming in mid January, my completion date is looking more like end of September or beginning of October 2017.  :(  A little difficult to explain but I had already had 4 dosages of herceptin during the initial 12 weeks of treatment. I need to have a total of 17 to complete a full year so need 13 more treatments, which equates to 39 weeks since it's once every 3 weeks.

If I look at the entire road map, it is overwhelming and I can't help but cry.  I am going to approach as how I have got to this point.  I'm simply going to focus on what's next.  With that said, I am focused on recovering so that I can take on this next round of chemo.  Unfortunately I have been told by many people this next round of chemo will not be easy. I will not get as lucky as the first round as the drug will be more toxic with many side effects (vomiting, lost of appetite, loss of hair, fatigue, etc).  I will most likely feel sicker and may not be able to work.  I truly do not know how to prepare for such so praying that somehow I get through this next phase as easy as possible.

In the back of my mind, as always, I think about the kids.  It has not been easy.  Carter and Katherine have been so incredible!  They are very understanding of my limitations since surgery and have been so great!  Katherine loves helping me put on and take off my jacket.  They both enjoy helping me get off from the couch by pushing my back. I should be helping them but the roles have been reversed lately.  My heart, at times, hurts for them but other time is beaming with pride. It has been a long few weeks...what I miss the most is hugs from the kids. They have been giving me hugs but are too scared to hurt me. I can't wait until I'm able to get and give them hugs again!

I was so excited about the cancer free news that perhaps I jumped the gun in sharing this news.  We all danced around the house when I shared this news.  We generally have dance parties at each milestone.  I believe Carter has shared this cancer free news with everyone under the sun who has asked.  He has asked some tough questions about what is next and we have been honest.  I don't know how to answer why we have to continue with the treatment plan other than explaining it is as if your doctor prescribes antibiotics...you just have to see the prescription through.  I'm mostly worried about the sick part in this next round of chemo.  We have never used the word sick to describe my illness so I'm worried they'll see me truly sick with vomiting and/or other sick like symptoms :(

My last round of chemo was August 18th.  My hair is slowly growing back and the kids have noticed.  It's pretty exciting stuff!  I too am excited but am sad to think that the hair will fall out again once I resume chemo.  We have best prepared the kids for the hair loss again.  This part of the treatment process seems pretty cruel.

With the drains out this week, I am feeling slightly human again!  I have decided to return to work.  Since I can not drive, I'm working remotely.  I had initially wanted to try out an hour or two but have been doing okay with longer duration.  For now, I'll take each day as it comes and do the best that I can...

1 comment:

  1. You can do this! Focus on one treatment at a time. The nausea, etc., side effects are rotten, but you WILL get through it. Plan to spend a day and a half or so in bed after each treatment. Go with a pretty empty stomach and have lots of ginger ale and ice on hand at home. When you can face it, eat white toast and a boiled or poached egg as your first post treatment meal, but not till the vomiting stops. You will be really tired, wiped out! Don't let it frighten you. It's just the chemo doing its job of killing all fast growing cells. It stinks that any young woman has to go through this crap. You have every right to feel angry, sad, and to spend some days crying. Don't worry about the hair. It's going to grow back. Buy some cute scarves and hats! Call me anytime if you need a pep talk. 26+ years and greatful...Pat

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