Double digits! 10 down!!

Before starting treatment #10, we met with my medical oncologist, Dr. Comander. We talked about how I have been doing and the road ahead. I decided to wear my halo wig into the office earlier in the week because I thought clients would be onsite. The meeting got rescheduled. The synthetic hair irritated my neck and caused rashes. Dr. Comander said this in conjunction to one of the chemo drugs, Peruzimab, it is common for rashes to develop. Lately I'm having a more difficult time concentrating and just seem more forgetful. Mike has had to help me retrace my steps to find things. The kids participate in the fun as well!  When I lose my keys or phone, everyone tries to help me locate them.  I will drive and know where I am going yet get distracted and get lost! I expressed such to Dr. Comander and she indicated it is normal for my body to be reacting like this because it is in time of distress. She told me she was surprised I have been working and doing so well. She warned me that the next round of chemo will be more harsh and I may not be as lucky.

I took the opportunity to talk about a rough timeline of what is ahead. After this treatment, I have 2 rounds left of chemo. I will be meeting with surgeon, Dr. Specht and then Dr. Liao, the plastic surgeon. I will have surgery on Sept 12th. Roughly a month after surgery, I will start my second round of chemo for 8 weeks (one treatment every 2 weeks). I will have a few weeks off and then start radiation which will most likely start in January. Radiation will be once everyday for 6 weeks. In conjunction to radiation, I have to continue to go in for one infusion treatment of Hercepton every 3 weeks for up until a year! May 2017 can not come fast enough! Unfortunately the fun doesn't end there. I will be on medication for the duration of my life. I'm full of emotions if I allow myself  to think about the road ahead. I'm trying to just focus on one each phase at a time and celebrating the small milestones!

As much as I'm trying to stay positive, some days are harder than others. It is hard to not worry about how this will all work out. Carter will return back to school soon. Fall actives and sports will start back up in September.  How will be handle the logistics of getting the kids to places when I'll be out of commission?  My parents will be helping us out but I can't help it worry about what will happen while I'm recovery. I really haven't put much thought to the surgery procedures itself.  I have a lot of anxiety and fears about the recovery process and the kids.  Katherine spent time at NWH a few years back because she caught a bug and became extremely dehydrated.  Carter has this fear every time we drive by NWH.  I wonder if this fear will surface again when he's visiting me in the hospital at MGH. 

I have accrued a decent amount of time off at work but nothing can quite prepare anyone for this. I often wonder if I have enough time to cover the time I need off.  Work has been super supportive but I often feel guilty since I am not carrying my weight and I hate that feeling.  The medical bills have started surfacing. I generally carry the health insurance for the family.  Never in a million year would I have thought that we'd have to compare and review policies so closely at this phase of our lives. My policy carries high co pays and deductibles. We decided to pick up additional insurance through Mike and have the dual insurance for a bit to see if this would elevate some of the expenses. I feel very fortunate that we have such option and have insurance. I truly can't imagine what happens to others who aren't as fortunate. I am also extremely lucky to have also picked up life insurance awhile back. No insurance company would insure me now. I have to trust that this will all work out somehow and that I'm luckily to have caught this and have a fighting chance.

Treatment #10 was my last long treatment! It was indeed a long day. We were at the hospital from a little before 9 until a little after 4. Chemo buddy, Mike, wasn't nearly as fun or as entertaining as my siblings. He was focused on work. I guess one of us has to work. He was sweet enough though in his own way. At the end of the day as we were walking out, he gave me the biggest hug, kissed me on my forehead and said he was proud of me and that I am the strongest chicken he knows! We joke but I still jump when they they access my port.

I have always had a chubby face but the doc said that the steroids I'm taking will make my face rounder so I'm going to go w/ this theory!