First big milestone-#12!

Because of the shorten time lapse between treatments 10 and 11, I had a tougher week than usual initially. I wouldn't think a couple days would have made a difference but it did! My body felt like it was trying to tell me enough! It did eventually bounce back but did take longer than the typical weekly routine. Lesson learned: efficiency isn't always better!

Treatment #12 was my first big milestone so I wanted to do something special and fun to celebrate the wonderful folks who have been taking care of me. It was a welcome distraction and something fun to plan!  I ordered cupcakes and made fruit skewers.  I also wanted to get nurse Ann a little something for having to deal with me for the majority of my treatments.  I thought a bracelet would be meaningful so picked her up and Alex and Ani bracket that conveyed love and healing.

I was pumped for treatment 12. Perhaps the extra time lapse now on the back end was helping me feel better. In any case, it was a good feeling!  The kids made a cute sign for the hospital staff to thank them for taking care of me! The sign read 'Thank you for helping my mommy feel better! Love, Carter and Katherine.' We dropped off the goodies along with the sign with the receptionist upon checking in. I guess to be expected, they receive so many gifts, they had a system on how to handle deliveries. The receptionist emailed everyone and then dropped the goodies off in the break room. As I walked in to get my vitals and bloodwork, everyone thanked us for the treats.

For some reason this week's lab results took longer than usual so we waited for a bit out in the waiting room. We were finally called into an infusion room and were welcomed back to room #9! I couldn't help but smile because this was the same room I had my first treatment and Carter's favorite number! Outside room #9,  the kids' sign was hung up. It was really sweet! I looked around to see nurse Ann but didn't see her. I saw a card with my name on it. I waited until nurse Gail came in and gave me the card. She said Ann isn't in today but wanted her to pass along this card to me. She excused herself to go get the premeds.  Ann's card was simply the sweetest!

My brother, Jimmy, surprised me with a beautiful boutique of flowers. His fiancé, Luke, made me some of the kids and my favorite cookies. I was in my glory!  Jimmy was there for me on my first day of treatment and again on the last day.  Here we are on week 1 and week 12!

Here is also a pic of me on week 1 and week 12...crazy to think how much has changed in the past 12 weeks...

Dr. Comander walked in to check in on me. She shared some news on her end. MGH will be taking over NWH cancer center. She was offered the position of head of Breast Oncology and will start over there in November. She assured me that everything will be okay. I can continue to receive treatment at MGH West as I'm familiar with the practice and hospital staff and she can still be my doctor. I am happy for Dr. Comander but a bit scared of what this all means for me with the rest of my treatments.  I'm hopeful I can continue to receive treatments at MGH West and visit Dr. Comander at NWH, if I need or for doc's appointments.

Treatment #12 took longer than I had anticipated. I think in part because nurse Gail wasn't all too familiar with me. I don't remember much after the Benedryl. I often joke and say it's my street drug. It leaves in a fog.

After the treatment, we rushed off to MGH in Boston to meet with Dr. Liao. This was the first time meeting him. He was extremely kind and knowledgeable. We talked about my options which included no reconstruction surgery, direct to implant (DTI) and Tissue Expansion (TE). Similar to my consult with Dr. Specht, a lot isn't known until they go in and perform the surgery. The primary focus is to get me all better so I can continue my treatment to kick cancer's a$$! Depending on how well my skin is during the surgery, the plan is DTI, which means Dr. Liao will put in what I currently have or something smaller. If my skin isn't well, he'll go with plan B and do TE, which will expand.  I will need a secondary surgery with TE.  I'm trying not to worry about the details of surgery because a lot is out of my control but I still worry!  I'm going to try enjoy the time off between this big milestone and surgery.

One more to go! Treatment #11!

We met with my surgeon, Dr. Spech on Tuesday. I have to quickly mention how bada$$ she is.  She walked into our meeting wearing hot pink heels!  With family history, I'm opting for a more invasive surgery of bilateral mastectomy.  She went over the general plan of this procedure but a lot is unknown until she performs the surgery.  Dr.  Specht will perform 2 incisions roughly between 6 to 9 o'clock about 10 cm long.  There were clips in place to identify affected the lump and lymph node so she will use those as markers. She will proceed aggressively but cautiously.  The hope is the chemo treatments have shrunk the tumor enough that the area is clearly defined.  A radiologist will be in the surgery room as well as an anesthesiologist.  The radiologist will test samples along the way and the anesthesiologist will make sure I'm comfortable.  As we were talking, I can't help but think this journey is very much like having a baby (not nearly as fun but a lot of similarities!)

The plan if everything goes well, I'll be able to have reconstructive surgery at the same time.  If not, I will have subsequent surgeries but for now I'm hopeful it will be one and done.  Dr. Specht will do her best to preserve my nipples (procedure known as nipple sparing). Should they test positive for cancerous cells, an additional surgery will be needed as they can't remove them during this surgery.  The surgery will take roughly 4-5 hours.  I will be in the hospital overnight a day or two.  I will not be able to drive for a least 2-3 weeks and recovery is estimated to be 4-6 weeks.  

We talked quickly about the reconstructive surgery. I asked about potentially going larger.  😊  Dr. Specht said she couldn't see why not but it really depends on the elasticity of my skin.  I haven't met with Dr. Liao, the plastic surgeon, but he comes highly recommended. I'm told he's a perfectionist and has been working with Dr. Specht on many similar cases. I will be in good hands! I'm scheduled to meet with Dr. Liao next Thursday, following my last round of chemo treatment!  Of course, I have googled Dr. Liao and my other doctors to read about them.  I feel very fortunate to have a great medical team and remain hopeful!

I thought to save a trip on Thursday perhaps they could squeeze me in for my chemo treatment a few days earlier. It was a short infusion so I decided to ask. Everyone was extremely understanding and supportive. Dr. Comander agreed to it, if my vitals and lab were okay. I nervously waited for the results and when the Medical Assistant came out to take me into a room, I was relieved! It changed up my weekly routine but perhaps it's a blessing as I did not have time to worry about the weekly appointment! My stomach is generally a bowl of jello on Wednesday, with all the nerves and anxiety.

Throughout the day, I couldn't help but be reminded that this was my 11th treatment.  I meet with Dr. Specht in exam room 11 and had infusion in room 11 on treatment #11!  I'll take it as a good some sign! The treatment process overall was fairly uneventful, except for the dreaded Benedryl. I had nurse Stacy. I've had her before when she helped with getting me ready for treatment. She was also one of the nurses that came in when I was shaking at the beginning treatments. Before administering the pre-treatment drugs, she asked about Benedryl. I confirmed that it needed to be slow drip over 30 mins. Based on her reaction, I think she thought it was too long.  As I received the drug, she quickly realized how much of an impact the drug had on me.  I was extremely groggily and just out of it.  I could hear things that were happening but I just couldn't respond to them.  I was struggling to keep my eyes open.  After the pre-treatment, the chemo drug was administered.  I started feeling out of sorts. I think because of the time lapse between the two treatments and because I had the long treatment last week, this round simply may have put me over the top.  I really was just struggling.

My has this one pic of her receiving treatment back in 2010.  She really wanted me to take a similar pic so she could do a side by side comparison.  Here we are!  I do have to say we look very much alike!!

Double digits! 10 down!!

Before starting treatment #10, we met with my medical oncologist, Dr. Comander. We talked about how I have been doing and the road ahead. I decided to wear my halo wig into the office earlier in the week because I thought clients would be onsite. The meeting got rescheduled. The synthetic hair irritated my neck and caused rashes. Dr. Comander said this in conjunction to one of the chemo drugs, Peruzimab, it is common for rashes to develop. Lately I'm having a more difficult time concentrating and just seem more forgetful. Mike has had to help me retrace my steps to find things. The kids participate in the fun as well!  When I lose my keys or phone, everyone tries to help me locate them.  I will drive and know where I am going yet get distracted and get lost! I expressed such to Dr. Comander and she indicated it is normal for my body to be reacting like this because it is in time of distress. She told me she was surprised I have been working and doing so well. She warned me that the next round of chemo will be more harsh and I may not be as lucky.

I took the opportunity to talk about a rough timeline of what is ahead. After this treatment, I have 2 rounds left of chemo. I will be meeting with surgeon, Dr. Specht and then Dr. Liao, the plastic surgeon. I will have surgery on Sept 12th. Roughly a month after surgery, I will start my second round of chemo for 8 weeks (one treatment every 2 weeks). I will have a few weeks off and then start radiation which will most likely start in January. Radiation will be once everyday for 6 weeks. In conjunction to radiation, I have to continue to go in for one infusion treatment of Hercepton every 3 weeks for up until a year! May 2017 can not come fast enough! Unfortunately the fun doesn't end there. I will be on medication for the duration of my life. I'm full of emotions if I allow myself  to think about the road ahead. I'm trying to just focus on one each phase at a time and celebrating the small milestones!

As much as I'm trying to stay positive, some days are harder than others. It is hard to not worry about how this will all work out. Carter will return back to school soon. Fall actives and sports will start back up in September.  How will be handle the logistics of getting the kids to places when I'll be out of commission?  My parents will be helping us out but I can't help it worry about what will happen while I'm recovery. I really haven't put much thought to the surgery procedures itself.  I have a lot of anxiety and fears about the recovery process and the kids.  Katherine spent time at NWH a few years back because she caught a bug and became extremely dehydrated.  Carter has this fear every time we drive by NWH.  I wonder if this fear will surface again when he's visiting me in the hospital at MGH. 

I have accrued a decent amount of time off at work but nothing can quite prepare anyone for this. I often wonder if I have enough time to cover the time I need off.  Work has been super supportive but I often feel guilty since I am not carrying my weight and I hate that feeling.  The medical bills have started surfacing. I generally carry the health insurance for the family.  Never in a million year would I have thought that we'd have to compare and review policies so closely at this phase of our lives. My policy carries high co pays and deductibles. We decided to pick up additional insurance through Mike and have the dual insurance for a bit to see if this would elevate some of the expenses. I feel very fortunate that we have such option and have insurance. I truly can't imagine what happens to others who aren't as fortunate. I am also extremely lucky to have also picked up life insurance awhile back. No insurance company would insure me now. I have to trust that this will all work out somehow and that I'm luckily to have caught this and have a fighting chance.

Treatment #10 was my last long treatment! It was indeed a long day. We were at the hospital from a little before 9 until a little after 4. Chemo buddy, Mike, wasn't nearly as fun or as entertaining as my siblings. He was focused on work. I guess one of us has to work. He was sweet enough though in his own way. At the end of the day as we were walking out, he gave me the biggest hug, kissed me on my forehead and said he was proud of me and that I am the strongest chicken he knows! We joke but I still jump when they they access my port.

I have always had a chubby face but the doc said that the steroids I'm taking will make my face rounder so I'm going to go w/ this theory!

Treatment #9

Treatment #9 came and went. I had nurse Ann again and we were in good shape, although the Benedryl hit me like a ton of bricks this past week.  Luckily, the side effect was simply tiredness and nothing more.

Thought I'd share a pic of me and nurse Ann.  Here is a pic of us at my first treatment, then again at week 4 and most recently at week 9! Ann hasn't changed much but I have!

Treatment week 1, week 4 and week 9

 
Crazy to think I only have 3 treatments left in this phase.  The next 3 weeks are going to be busy as I'll be meeting with my medical oncologist, surgeon and plastic surgeon. I have been dragging a bit with this last round of treatment and my chemo brain seems to be in full force!    

After Mike buzzed what hair I had left after the initial cut, Carter really struggled with the new do.  That morning with the newly buzzed hair, he hid under the covers and didn't want to come out.  He was scared of my pale head and asked that I cover it before coming out. It took him a bit to come around but he finally understood why I needed to shave my head.  I was really proud of him when he finally came around.  This pic makes me happy since he wanted to take this selfie together.

The new do is taking a bit of getting use to.  In the shower, I will still go and grab shampoo.  It's strange to not have any hair left to shampoo but since I'm a creature of habit, I'm going to continue to shampoo my bald head!  I'll just have a good smelling scalp.  The other good revelation is how quick it takes me to get ready!  Having no hair to have to dry, style, etc. is pretty awesome!  In addition to saving time, I do not have to worry about hair appointments for the next several months.  I also do not have to shave!  I'm trying to focus on the positives.  ;)  

It has been so incredibly hot that I haven't been wearing a headcover or wig.  I'm simply grabbing a baseball cap and putting it on when we head out or I'll just go 'commando' as my sister, My, would say.  I try not to go commando all that often because I have this weird thought that I may scare people, especially little kids.    

At camp pick up a day last week, the kids were really intrigued by my lack of hair.  A couple of Carter's friends asked why I didn't have hair and if I could take off my baseball cap to show them.  It was a really uncomfortable situation because as much as I was comfortable showing them, I didn't think it was an appropriate time to simply take off the cap and show them and everyone there.  I tried to tell them I'd show them another time but at one point, one of the kids tried to take the cap off my head.  One of the many challenges of being short!  I kept looking at Carter because this was one of the primary reasons why he struggles with my hair loss.  He didn't want people to make fun of me.  He such a sweet kid and told me in the car, he's okay with my hair now and that I could have showed his friends. 

At Katherine's school, there is one friend who is really intrigued by my hair.  I can tell based on the look on her face.  Whenever I go in for pickup, she's checking out my hair.  I feel so bad that the kids have to wonder what is going on with me.  I'm really not all the interesting.  Hmm...I take that back...maybe I am!!  I managed to go to the movies for the first time in 8 years to see Bad Moms this weekend with some awesome friends! The last movie I saw in theater was Slumdog.  Don't laugh!  This was the first time I went out wearing my long wig.  It was fine but at times I felt like it was very obvious that I had a wig on.  I think I may have jumped the gun in buying a wig so early on.  I'll most likely now look for a shorter wig or try to get my long wig cut.

I have to give a special shout out to my amazing parents.  I'm realizing in this blog, I do not mention them much.  They are like me and like to be behind the scene.  They truly have been wonderful during this ordeal.  Every week, after treatment, they call to make sure I'm okay.  My dad really wants to go with me to treatment but I do not want him or my mom to witness the treatment process.   I think it will be too much for them to see me being picked and prodded.  It's just easier for them not to be there.

My parents visit almost every Friday and bring meals and groceries.  They are incredible and very selfless.  Mom will ask if I have any cravings.  If I even think to say something, I'm guaranteed to get that meal!  Since my diagnosis, mom has given up meat.  It's her way of giving back and praying for me to get better.  So whenever she's preparing meals for us and dad, she has to prepare multiple meals!  Friends and neighbors have also offered to drop off meals.  I have been very fortunate to bounce back after treatments so have been able to work and prepare meals as I would normally.  My taste buds are off but I can still cook.

The road to recovery is long and unclear but for now I'm truly thankful this phase hasn't been all too bad.  We will mostly have to lean more on family and friends after my surgery in September but for now we are doing okay.   We have so much to be thankful for!