First big milestone-#12!

Because of the shorten time lapse between treatments 10 and 11, I had a tougher week than usual initially. I wouldn't think a couple days would have made a difference but it did! My body felt like it was trying to tell me enough! It did eventually bounce back but did take longer than the typical weekly routine. Lesson learned: efficiency isn't always better!

Treatment #12 was my first big milestone so I wanted to do something special and fun to celebrate the wonderful folks who have been taking care of me. It was a welcome distraction and something fun to plan!  I ordered cupcakes and made fruit skewers.  I also wanted to get nurse Ann a little something for having to deal with me for the majority of my treatments.  I thought a bracelet would be meaningful so picked her up and Alex and Ani bracket that conveyed love and healing.

I was pumped for treatment 12. Perhaps the extra time lapse now on the back end was helping me feel better. In any case, it was a good feeling!  The kids made a cute sign for the hospital staff to thank them for taking care of me! The sign read 'Thank you for helping my mommy feel better! Love, Carter and Katherine.' We dropped off the goodies along with the sign with the receptionist upon checking in. I guess to be expected, they receive so many gifts, they had a system on how to handle deliveries. The receptionist emailed everyone and then dropped the goodies off in the break room. As I walked in to get my vitals and bloodwork, everyone thanked us for the treats.

For some reason this week's lab results took longer than usual so we waited for a bit out in the waiting room. We were finally called into an infusion room and were welcomed back to room #9! I couldn't help but smile because this was the same room I had my first treatment and Carter's favorite number! Outside room #9,  the kids' sign was hung up. It was really sweet! I looked around to see nurse Ann but didn't see her. I saw a card with my name on it. I waited until nurse Gail came in and gave me the card. She said Ann isn't in today but wanted her to pass along this card to me. She excused herself to go get the premeds.  Ann's card was simply the sweetest!

My brother, Jimmy, surprised me with a beautiful boutique of flowers. His fiancé, Luke, made me some of the kids and my favorite cookies. I was in my glory!  Jimmy was there for me on my first day of treatment and again on the last day.  Here we are on week 1 and week 12!

Here is also a pic of me on week 1 and week 12...crazy to think how much has changed in the past 12 weeks...

Dr. Comander walked in to check in on me. She shared some news on her end. MGH will be taking over NWH cancer center. She was offered the position of head of Breast Oncology and will start over there in November. She assured me that everything will be okay. I can continue to receive treatment at MGH West as I'm familiar with the practice and hospital staff and she can still be my doctor. I am happy for Dr. Comander but a bit scared of what this all means for me with the rest of my treatments.  I'm hopeful I can continue to receive treatments at MGH West and visit Dr. Comander at NWH, if I need or for doc's appointments.

Treatment #12 took longer than I had anticipated. I think in part because nurse Gail wasn't all too familiar with me. I don't remember much after the Benedryl. I often joke and say it's my street drug. It leaves in a fog.

After the treatment, we rushed off to MGH in Boston to meet with Dr. Liao. This was the first time meeting him. He was extremely kind and knowledgeable. We talked about my options which included no reconstruction surgery, direct to implant (DTI) and Tissue Expansion (TE). Similar to my consult with Dr. Specht, a lot isn't known until they go in and perform the surgery. The primary focus is to get me all better so I can continue my treatment to kick cancer's a$$! Depending on how well my skin is during the surgery, the plan is DTI, which means Dr. Liao will put in what I currently have or something smaller. If my skin isn't well, he'll go with plan B and do TE, which will expand.  I will need a secondary surgery with TE.  I'm trying not to worry about the details of surgery because a lot is out of my control but I still worry!  I'm going to try enjoy the time off between this big milestone and surgery.

One more to go! Treatment #11!

We met with my surgeon, Dr. Spech on Tuesday. I have to quickly mention how bada$$ she is.  She walked into our meeting wearing hot pink heels!  With family history, I'm opting for a more invasive surgery of bilateral mastectomy.  She went over the general plan of this procedure but a lot is unknown until she performs the surgery.  Dr.  Specht will perform 2 incisions roughly between 6 to 9 o'clock about 10 cm long.  There were clips in place to identify affected the lump and lymph node so she will use those as markers. She will proceed aggressively but cautiously.  The hope is the chemo treatments have shrunk the tumor enough that the area is clearly defined.  A radiologist will be in the surgery room as well as an anesthesiologist.  The radiologist will test samples along the way and the anesthesiologist will make sure I'm comfortable.  As we were talking, I can't help but think this journey is very much like having a baby (not nearly as fun but a lot of similarities!)

The plan if everything goes well, I'll be able to have reconstructive surgery at the same time.  If not, I will have subsequent surgeries but for now I'm hopeful it will be one and done.  Dr. Specht will do her best to preserve my nipples (procedure known as nipple sparing). Should they test positive for cancerous cells, an additional surgery will be needed as they can't remove them during this surgery.  The surgery will take roughly 4-5 hours.  I will be in the hospital overnight a day or two.  I will not be able to drive for a least 2-3 weeks and recovery is estimated to be 4-6 weeks.  

We talked quickly about the reconstructive surgery. I asked about potentially going larger.  😊  Dr. Specht said she couldn't see why not but it really depends on the elasticity of my skin.  I haven't met with Dr. Liao, the plastic surgeon, but he comes highly recommended. I'm told he's a perfectionist and has been working with Dr. Specht on many similar cases. I will be in good hands! I'm scheduled to meet with Dr. Liao next Thursday, following my last round of chemo treatment!  Of course, I have googled Dr. Liao and my other doctors to read about them.  I feel very fortunate to have a great medical team and remain hopeful!

I thought to save a trip on Thursday perhaps they could squeeze me in for my chemo treatment a few days earlier. It was a short infusion so I decided to ask. Everyone was extremely understanding and supportive. Dr. Comander agreed to it, if my vitals and lab were okay. I nervously waited for the results and when the Medical Assistant came out to take me into a room, I was relieved! It changed up my weekly routine but perhaps it's a blessing as I did not have time to worry about the weekly appointment! My stomach is generally a bowl of jello on Wednesday, with all the nerves and anxiety.

Throughout the day, I couldn't help but be reminded that this was my 11th treatment.  I meet with Dr. Specht in exam room 11 and had infusion in room 11 on treatment #11!  I'll take it as a good some sign! The treatment process overall was fairly uneventful, except for the dreaded Benedryl. I had nurse Stacy. I've had her before when she helped with getting me ready for treatment. She was also one of the nurses that came in when I was shaking at the beginning treatments. Before administering the pre-treatment drugs, she asked about Benedryl. I confirmed that it needed to be slow drip over 30 mins. Based on her reaction, I think she thought it was too long.  As I received the drug, she quickly realized how much of an impact the drug had on me.  I was extremely groggily and just out of it.  I could hear things that were happening but I just couldn't respond to them.  I was struggling to keep my eyes open.  After the pre-treatment, the chemo drug was administered.  I started feeling out of sorts. I think because of the time lapse between the two treatments and because I had the long treatment last week, this round simply may have put me over the top.  I really was just struggling.

My has this one pic of her receiving treatment back in 2010.  She really wanted me to take a similar pic so she could do a side by side comparison.  Here we are!  I do have to say we look very much alike!!

Double digits! 10 down!!

Before starting treatment #10, we met with my medical oncologist, Dr. Comander. We talked about how I have been doing and the road ahead. I decided to wear my halo wig into the office earlier in the week because I thought clients would be onsite. The meeting got rescheduled. The synthetic hair irritated my neck and caused rashes. Dr. Comander said this in conjunction to one of the chemo drugs, Peruzimab, it is common for rashes to develop. Lately I'm having a more difficult time concentrating and just seem more forgetful. Mike has had to help me retrace my steps to find things. The kids participate in the fun as well!  When I lose my keys or phone, everyone tries to help me locate them.  I will drive and know where I am going yet get distracted and get lost! I expressed such to Dr. Comander and she indicated it is normal for my body to be reacting like this because it is in time of distress. She told me she was surprised I have been working and doing so well. She warned me that the next round of chemo will be more harsh and I may not be as lucky.

I took the opportunity to talk about a rough timeline of what is ahead. After this treatment, I have 2 rounds left of chemo. I will be meeting with surgeon, Dr. Specht and then Dr. Liao, the plastic surgeon. I will have surgery on Sept 12th. Roughly a month after surgery, I will start my second round of chemo for 8 weeks (one treatment every 2 weeks). I will have a few weeks off and then start radiation which will most likely start in January. Radiation will be once everyday for 6 weeks. In conjunction to radiation, I have to continue to go in for one infusion treatment of Hercepton every 3 weeks for up until a year! May 2017 can not come fast enough! Unfortunately the fun doesn't end there. I will be on medication for the duration of my life. I'm full of emotions if I allow myself  to think about the road ahead. I'm trying to just focus on one each phase at a time and celebrating the small milestones!

As much as I'm trying to stay positive, some days are harder than others. It is hard to not worry about how this will all work out. Carter will return back to school soon. Fall actives and sports will start back up in September.  How will be handle the logistics of getting the kids to places when I'll be out of commission?  My parents will be helping us out but I can't help it worry about what will happen while I'm recovery. I really haven't put much thought to the surgery procedures itself.  I have a lot of anxiety and fears about the recovery process and the kids.  Katherine spent time at NWH a few years back because she caught a bug and became extremely dehydrated.  Carter has this fear every time we drive by NWH.  I wonder if this fear will surface again when he's visiting me in the hospital at MGH. 

I have accrued a decent amount of time off at work but nothing can quite prepare anyone for this. I often wonder if I have enough time to cover the time I need off.  Work has been super supportive but I often feel guilty since I am not carrying my weight and I hate that feeling.  The medical bills have started surfacing. I generally carry the health insurance for the family.  Never in a million year would I have thought that we'd have to compare and review policies so closely at this phase of our lives. My policy carries high co pays and deductibles. We decided to pick up additional insurance through Mike and have the dual insurance for a bit to see if this would elevate some of the expenses. I feel very fortunate that we have such option and have insurance. I truly can't imagine what happens to others who aren't as fortunate. I am also extremely lucky to have also picked up life insurance awhile back. No insurance company would insure me now. I have to trust that this will all work out somehow and that I'm luckily to have caught this and have a fighting chance.

Treatment #10 was my last long treatment! It was indeed a long day. We were at the hospital from a little before 9 until a little after 4. Chemo buddy, Mike, wasn't nearly as fun or as entertaining as my siblings. He was focused on work. I guess one of us has to work. He was sweet enough though in his own way. At the end of the day as we were walking out, he gave me the biggest hug, kissed me on my forehead and said he was proud of me and that I am the strongest chicken he knows! We joke but I still jump when they they access my port.

I have always had a chubby face but the doc said that the steroids I'm taking will make my face rounder so I'm going to go w/ this theory!

Treatment #9

Treatment #9 came and went. I had nurse Ann again and we were in good shape, although the Benedryl hit me like a ton of bricks this past week.  Luckily, the side effect was simply tiredness and nothing more.

Thought I'd share a pic of me and nurse Ann.  Here is a pic of us at my first treatment, then again at week 4 and most recently at week 9! Ann hasn't changed much but I have!

Treatment week 1, week 4 and week 9

 
Crazy to think I only have 3 treatments left in this phase.  The next 3 weeks are going to be busy as I'll be meeting with my medical oncologist, surgeon and plastic surgeon. I have been dragging a bit with this last round of treatment and my chemo brain seems to be in full force!    

After Mike buzzed what hair I had left after the initial cut, Carter really struggled with the new do.  That morning with the newly buzzed hair, he hid under the covers and didn't want to come out.  He was scared of my pale head and asked that I cover it before coming out. It took him a bit to come around but he finally understood why I needed to shave my head.  I was really proud of him when he finally came around.  This pic makes me happy since he wanted to take this selfie together.

The new do is taking a bit of getting use to.  In the shower, I will still go and grab shampoo.  It's strange to not have any hair left to shampoo but since I'm a creature of habit, I'm going to continue to shampoo my bald head!  I'll just have a good smelling scalp.  The other good revelation is how quick it takes me to get ready!  Having no hair to have to dry, style, etc. is pretty awesome!  In addition to saving time, I do not have to worry about hair appointments for the next several months.  I also do not have to shave!  I'm trying to focus on the positives.  ;)  

It has been so incredibly hot that I haven't been wearing a headcover or wig.  I'm simply grabbing a baseball cap and putting it on when we head out or I'll just go 'commando' as my sister, My, would say.  I try not to go commando all that often because I have this weird thought that I may scare people, especially little kids.    

At camp pick up a day last week, the kids were really intrigued by my lack of hair.  A couple of Carter's friends asked why I didn't have hair and if I could take off my baseball cap to show them.  It was a really uncomfortable situation because as much as I was comfortable showing them, I didn't think it was an appropriate time to simply take off the cap and show them and everyone there.  I tried to tell them I'd show them another time but at one point, one of the kids tried to take the cap off my head.  One of the many challenges of being short!  I kept looking at Carter because this was one of the primary reasons why he struggles with my hair loss.  He didn't want people to make fun of me.  He such a sweet kid and told me in the car, he's okay with my hair now and that I could have showed his friends. 

At Katherine's school, there is one friend who is really intrigued by my hair.  I can tell based on the look on her face.  Whenever I go in for pickup, she's checking out my hair.  I feel so bad that the kids have to wonder what is going on with me.  I'm really not all the interesting.  Hmm...I take that back...maybe I am!!  I managed to go to the movies for the first time in 8 years to see Bad Moms this weekend with some awesome friends! The last movie I saw in theater was Slumdog.  Don't laugh!  This was the first time I went out wearing my long wig.  It was fine but at times I felt like it was very obvious that I had a wig on.  I think I may have jumped the gun in buying a wig so early on.  I'll most likely now look for a shorter wig or try to get my long wig cut.

I have to give a special shout out to my amazing parents.  I'm realizing in this blog, I do not mention them much.  They are like me and like to be behind the scene.  They truly have been wonderful during this ordeal.  Every week, after treatment, they call to make sure I'm okay.  My dad really wants to go with me to treatment but I do not want him or my mom to witness the treatment process.   I think it will be too much for them to see me being picked and prodded.  It's just easier for them not to be there.

My parents visit almost every Friday and bring meals and groceries.  They are incredible and very selfless.  Mom will ask if I have any cravings.  If I even think to say something, I'm guaranteed to get that meal!  Since my diagnosis, mom has given up meat.  It's her way of giving back and praying for me to get better.  So whenever she's preparing meals for us and dad, she has to prepare multiple meals!  Friends and neighbors have also offered to drop off meals.  I have been very fortunate to bounce back after treatments so have been able to work and prepare meals as I would normally.  My taste buds are off but I can still cook.

The road to recovery is long and unclear but for now I'm truly thankful this phase hasn't been all too bad.  We will mostly have to lean more on family and friends after my surgery in September but for now we are doing okay.   We have so much to be thankful for!

Be Vigilant!

When My was diagnosed with breast cancer and learned that she had the BRCA gene, her doctor strongly encouraged my siblings and I to also get tested. Lynne and I opted to go together to get our results. I remember my husband, Ryan, saying: “Thank god you guys were both negative. That would have been really hard and awkward if one of you was negative, and the other was positive.”  The thought had never even occurred to me. Of course we would go together. Regardless of what the outcomes were that day, I would always want my sister there with me.

We were both very excited learning our good news. It felt like we had really beat the odds. Van had already been tested and was negative. Since my dad was a carrier, we each had a 50% chance likelihood of having the gene. My friend Michelle, a super smart actuary, told me the there was a 12.5% chance that we’d all be negative, so I felt pretty lucky that we had dodged that bullet.

After hearing we were negative, I remember asking the doctor: “so we won’t get breast cancer??” and I vividly remember her saying “well I can’t guarantee that, but your chances are the same as everyone else.” In my mind, and maybe I was being naive and just on the high of learning the good news, it meant Lynne and I didn’t have to worry about getting breast cancer – we were negative.

So when we learned that Lynne had breast cancer, in addition to all of the other horrible emotions, it was also very confusing. It made sense (even though it was very unfair) that My had it; she had the gene. But Lynne? She was supposed to be okay.

But here we are.

I've had a lot of guilt since I learned that Lynne had breast cancer that I didn't know how to support her or be there for her, so I was so glad that I was able to finally make it to a treatment. When I got to the hospital, the first thing she did was give me some Similac coupons that she picked up for me. I have two little ones under the age of two, and on most days I struggle between getting an extra five minutes of sleep or washing my hair before going to work. And here Lynne was… taking care of her two little kids, scheduling vacations and weekend activities, working, battling cancer, and still having the time to look for deals for me. Lynne, I am in awe at how you do it all. I hope you and Mike know that Ryan and I are always there for you if you guys need anything.

It was the first time I saw Lynne completely without any hair, and maybe I'm a bit biased, but I think she rocked it!! She looked so good!! She looked confident and as My calls her, bada$$.

I was very impressed by the hospital, and everyone I met that day. The facilities were very clean and modern, the nurses and staff members were all so welcoming and everyone knew her name, her doctor who she wasn’t even scheduled to meet with even stopped by during her treatment to check in on her. It made me feel good to know that my sister was in good hands.

Lynne’s treatment went well. She was even able to nap a bit (and I took full advantage of that!) She shared that she hadn’t been sleeping well, so I was glad that she was able to rest for a bit.

At one point during her treatment, I went to the restroom. Next door to Lynne’s room was an older woman who was also getting treatment. She was alone, and it made me so sad that she didn’t have anyone there with her. Everyone should have a chemo buddy.

After treatment, we went to lunch and to pick up the kids from camp and school. When I went into Katherine’s preschool class, a little girl in Katherine’s class said, “why does Katherine’s mommy have hair today?” After telling her that I was their aunt, my immediate reaction was to look at Katherine and Carter to make sure they were okay. They were fine, another reminder that kids are more resilient than we think, and that they will be okay.   

Back at the house, I had SO much fun spending time with the kids.  We spent most of our time making emojis out of construction paper. We laughed when Carter made the poop one; Katherine went the more traditional route and made a heart and unicorn. At one point, Carter pulled up the face emoji with the medical mask and asked if I could help him make it for his mom. When we finished making it, he wrote “hope you feel better mommy” on it. He's just the sweetest, and moments like this make me feel like he'll be stronger and more compassionate because of going through this.

I’ll end by saying, please be vigilant about checking for breast cancer. This is something I need to be reminded of myself. Do self-exams at least once a month. Both of my sisters caught their breast cancer on their own. Lynne had just been to her doctor in the winter and they didn’t find anything. She was told that she could do annual mammograms going forward. I hate thinking about what would have happened if she didn't find it on her own. I have a mammogram scheduled next month!   

#8 down--2/3 way there...WOOHOOO!!

I often forget I'm 'sick' or am battling cancer. Other than the hair loss, I feel and look the same or at least I think I do! Treatment days, to be expected, are a tad tougher than the rest of the week, especially on longer infusion days. I have been fortunate enough to bounce back fairly quickly after treatment sessions but the energy fades as the week progresses.  

For the most part, I feel as a family, we are living our lives as close to normal as possible.  I'm working when I can. The kids are at school or camp.  We have action packed weekend plans filled with get togethers with family and friends, birthday parties, sport activities, etc.  I know this will not always be the case but for this phase of treatment, I'm so happy and grateful that it hasn't disrupted our lives all that much and we have adapted.

This past weekend, we took the kids to Six Flags and they got to spend the day with their cousins and friends.  The kids had a blast!

This week for the first time, I had moments when I felt sick or am reminded to slow down more often than usual.  I took Katherine to the dentist on Monday.  It was also Carter's first time going to a new camp where he is taking the bus three towns over.  It was a hectic morning so I skipped breakfast and took my daily medicine without food.  I generally always try to take medicine with food.  While at the dentist office, I felt incredibly sick.   I felt like I needed to throw up so I excused myself while we were waiting for the receptionist to check us out. Unfortunately I didn't made it into the bathroom and projectile vomited on the floor!  😕  Katherine was so confused and asked me why I was spitting up. I felt incredibly embarrassed but I didn't see this coming.  Luckily since I had not consumed anything but water, the mess wasn't that bad. Have to always find the positive in things! 😊 This is one of the thing I'm learning about cancer is sometime things sneak up on you.  I don't know what's coming around the corner.  From this experience, I've learned to have my brother, JD's trusty yack pack close by in situations like these!  😊  JD had sent to me a supply after I threw up when I had my port installed.

At work, I do not break for lunch often but enjoy running errands occasionally, if I can.  It helps break up the day, gets me out walking and I'm able to some fresh air. This past week, I ran out to Wegman's.  Such adventures would normally take 30 mins.  The adventure this week took me closer to an hour and all I managed to pick up were a handful of things.  I quickly learned that things simply just take longer.  I can't walk as fast to the car.  I occasionally have to pause to catch my breath and sit for a few mins in the car before driving.  The hallways lights in the corridor of the office also seem to bother me in addition to random smells.  I'm super sensitive or so it seems to everything! The best way to describe my symptoms is that it reminds me of being pregnant minus the belly and the joys of feeling kicks.

Since our vacation, it has been a nice break between treatments but we are back on track.  I had my #8 treatment today with Nurse Phil.  Woohoo...I'm 2/3 done with this treatment plan!!  I hadn't been assigned to him prior but always thought he was great since I've seen him before interacting with other patients.  He was very nice and took the time to explain things.  Mike and I were talking to Nova, the social worker.  She had popped in to see how we were doing.  I told her about Carter's struggles with my hair loss still.  Last time we talked to Nova, she gave us a video to watch and share with the kids on hair loss during cancer. We have attempted to show the kids but Carter was not interested in seeing it. As we were talking to Nova, Phil came back in and said he was going to prep my premeds and that we can continue to talk.  I reminded him that I'm super sensitive to medicine.  He assured me he reviewed my files and would proceed slowly like nurse Ann.  I trusted him and said okay. As I was talking to Nova, he was setting up and told me what he was doing.  I was only partially paying attention and and all of a sudden, I felt this huge rush and started coughing.  I was in a haze and wasn't feeling well.  I then realized he had pushed the Benedryl via IV instead of slow dripping the medicine.  Luckily this time, I wasn't shaking but felt the chills.  Mike was on his computer working and didn't realize it either until after the fact.  I generally have this tickle in my throat and cough quite a bit when I'm administered Benedryl via the IV.  I started coughing and he knew something wasn't right and looked up.  Phil too realized something was not right as my speech got slower and I was coughing to catch my breath. I was in a fog!  I slowly told Phil that I assumed he would slow drip the Benedryl and not push the medicine based on prior experiences. He apologized profusely and said he will update the order form and for the remainder of my treatments as that was not specified in my record.  It was a very sleepy treatment.  I did manage to get some shut eye.  I'm sure Mike appreciate that, although I did boss him around to fine me a snack before falling asleep.  😜

It amazes me how the drug is administer affects how I feel.  I guess that's how it should be but again a new revelation because up to this point, I haven't taken or given so many medications.  Speaking of revelations...as we were checking in for the appointment, I asked Mike what the back of my head looked with a baseball hat.  He said I looked like a cancer patient!  I didn't believe him and asked him to take a pic.  Not sure why but I have this illusion that my hair is somewhat full. Unfortunately when he took the pic, I could not believe it!  It was the first time I felt like I just really need to cut it all off. I did not want to look like a cancer patient and much rather be bald than look like what I was seeing!  I have been holding on for Carter.  I decided it was time to rip off the bandaid and cut off what hair I had left.  Mike did the honor a little while before we went to pick up the kids at camp and school.  I was really worried about how the kids would react but they were great!  I waited until we got home to take off my baseball hat.  They didn't seem to notice immediately.  Katherine commented first and said she liked my new haircut!  Carter said I looked different and didn't say much other than saying he didn't want people to make fun of me.  He has been so exhausted from camp.  I can see the wheels spinning in his head as he's processing.  I know he'll come around and I'm so happy their reactions were so great!  We will use clippers this weekend to clean up the new do but here are some pics.

     

Life is a beach!

We vacationed for a week in South Carolina. It was nice to escape and enjoy life pool side and at the beach. I tried my best to forget and simply enjoy my time with the family. We celebrated the 4th of July like no other year prior. We sat on the beach and were able to see fireworks from every direction. It was fantastic and memorable!

The trip was fun but at times difficult. I wore my wig for the first time! I went back and forth on bringing it but knew my hair was barely holding on. In the end, I was happy I packed it. It definitely took a bit of getting use to. At times, it was very hot and uncomfortable, especially in the heat and humidity! It's interesting that once I lost my hair, I can not wear fitted hats. They are just too big! I didn't realize how much hair I had. Something else I learned during this trip was how susceptible I am to sunburns with chemo. I was warned by the doctor and nurses prior to the trip to be careful in the sun.  On the beach, I sat under an umbrella. I fell asleep one afternoon and my toes must not have been not covered. Ouch! Boy, did I ever feel pain!!

During our time in SC, I lost a good portion of the remainder of my hair. Hair was everywhere! It was bad to the point that I needed to sweep, even on vacation! I thought to help the kids (mostly Carter) with the hair loss, we'd do an exercise that they could take part in. I asked them how they felt if they could cut my hair on the last day of our trip. Katherine was excited and couldn't wait. Carter was reluctant and kept saying 'I don't want people to make fun of you!' We worked on it throughout the week.  I knew he was personally struggling with the physical changes. I tried to explain to him, I would still be the same person. I would still love, kiss, hug, and play with him. I also reminded him that this change is temporary and my hair would grow back.  On the last day of our trip, I gave the kids the option. Katherine couldn't wait. She made the first cut. Carter was still reluctant and ran off initially. He finally came around as we were cutting and agreed to one cut. Immediately after the one snip, he ran off and said he was done. Mike helped me fix the haircut to even it out. I went to show Carter but he still wasn't having it. He took the wig and asked me to put it on. When I did, he seemed better.

Carter, mama knows this is a big change. I hope you can finally come around. I love that you care about me and what people may say. I promise you I'll love you the same way with or without hair, buddy! It's just hair and shouldn't define who we are and saddens me that you have already picked up on what is deemed the 'norm' at six! We'll get through this and I hope witnessing what mama is going through will help make you and your sister be braver and have more compassionate for others.

We made it through the holiday weekend without being reminded I had cancer. Early Tuesday morning, on the 5th, I received a call from the hospital. It was Jenn from Dr. Specht's office looking to schedule my surgery. I quickly was reminded of life as a cancer patient. We went ahead and booked the surgery for Monday, September 12. Prior to the surgery, in mid August, I'll be meeting again with Dr. Specht to discuss the details of the surgery. I will also be meeting with a plastic surgeon to talk about reconstructive surgery. Jenn emailed documentations regarding the appointments and guideline about the surgery procedures. With family history, I'm leaning towards an aggressive approach of bilateral mastectomy with reconstructive surgery. We will finalize the plans when we meet with the surgeons.

Since I took a week off from treatment, I had my makeup treatment on Monday, July 11. Dr. Commander is not at MGHW on Mondays so I was scheduled to see her nurse practitioner, Lucy Miller. The blood work and normal procedures went well, as did our appointment with Lucy. We ran into issues as I was in the infusion room waiting for treatment. Since my typical appointments are on Thursdays, the computer had me scheduled for last Thursday. The pharmacy would not release my order without Dr. Commander's authorization. Once again, I was assigned to nurse, Ann, and she helped track down Dr. Commander at MGH in Boston. We waited close to an hour before treatment began. Treatment #7 will go on record as one of the longest treatment but fortunately, it was uneventful!

This week Carter is at a local camp that runs from 9-3. My appointment on Monday was at 8:45. In anticipation of this appointment, we made plans for coverage but found out on Sunday we needed to make alternative plans. Luckily we found friends and neighbors to help with AM drop off and serve as backup for PM pick up. We are reminded in these situations, how incredibly blessed we are to be part of a great community! Special thanks to The Careys and The Walshes for coming to the rescue!! ❤️